Published March 18, 2025

This afternoon I went to my clinic for a shot, the first in a series of four in four weeks. I also got a surprise: A staff member told me that as of today, the clinic would no longer be billing to my health insurance company.

I knew their current contract was set to expire March 31 and that assuming negotiations failed, I might be set adrift the next day, but it’s done, he assured me. My clinic will no longer be “in network.”

It’s as if I don’t have health insurance. All of my care goes through my clinic, including my trans health care. To say it would be a challenge to find a new provider who’s accepting trans patients in spring 2025 amid the prevailing political climate would be an understatement.

This is not good. My four-year nightmare as an employee of this company continues. I left Kaiser Permanente in January 2021 after accepting the job, switching to Blue Cross Blue Shield. A couple of years after The New York Times bought the company I work for, it switched us to United Healthcare.

One season of a Netflix series wouldn’t be enough to convey why these four years have been the worst of my life. It’s been awful.

Anyway, I’m still sleeping more than half of every day away, still on leave, still struggling. This is not going to help with my depression and anxiety.

Honestly, I’m still in shock — about the November election, about what’s happened since, and about this latest news I’m sharing with you. I keep thinking it’s all a bad dream, but I can’t seem to wake up from it.

I hope you’re as okay as can be expected.

Sending love.

♥

Thank you for reading

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