Published September 25, 2018

Monday marks the start of my favorite month. It’s also the first anniversary of my coming out.

I’m calling it Carly’s birthday, although that’s an overly simplistic way of looking at it. Still, I’m big on birthdays and anniversaries, so I like the vibration of seeing it as Carly turning 1.

October 1 is also my birthday of record, the one on my birth certificate. That was among the reasons that I chose it for my coming out last year. It was also the start of a 10-day vacation, giving me plenty of time for news of my transition to sink in a bit before my return to work in new clothes and with a different name.

It’s possible, perhaps even likely, there are some people who are following my journey who expected more posts about it in the past year. There are several reasons why I kept those to a minimum while sharing milestones — legal name change, updating government and financial records, etc. — on social media. Primarily, I was following the advice of other transgender women who learned from their mistakes or the mistakes of others.

The consensus was: Live the life of a transgender person for at least a year, preferably two, before trying to write or speak publicly from a position of authority about trans issues. As a very wise and caring transgender woman I know wrote on Medium, get your house in order before speaking for the rest of us. And while it’s possible to talk about one’s journey without trying to make it seem reflective of universal truths, I wanted to stick as closely to that recommendation as I could. Lina’s essay has other gems that have been helpful for me, too.

The rough draft of my coming-out post was a hot mess, tamed only after benefiting from the tough love and professional advice of friend and copyeditor Ashley Bischoff. (The final version ran without a final edit, so any grammatical errors are mine and mine alone.) Large sections never made it onto this website, but pieces of them could appear in the coming days and weeks as I let my hair down a bit, so to speak.

There is much to celebrate and be thankful for as my anniversary approaches. My employer has been super supportive, and there have been no uncomfortable or unsafe moments for me at work. That’s not true for many trans women, but it’s also not true for cisgender women. I remind myself often that I am lucky. There also have been no incidents away from work. I have theories about why that’s true, and perhaps I will share them here one day.

With few exceptions, most of the people who were in my life before I came out are in my life now, and for that, I am exceedingly lucky and grateful. And, I’m blessed to have so many new and amazing friends who give support and love in countless ways. If I made thanking them a full-time job, I still wouldn’t be able to say it enough. I also have reconnected with friends from grade school and high school who have also been enthusiastic and positive about my transition, another way that I am luckier than many.

My Twitter profile, picture and background image underwent a makeover on October 1, 2017, and they probably will again Monday. The same is possible for my Facebook account, which was active but locked down until New Year’s Day. What that will look like is still under consideration, but I knew that the transgender flag would be a part of my anniversary. That’s a version of it in the image that accompanies this post.

That’s all for now. I’m going to leave myself something to say over the next six days. Again, thank you for the love and support. It means a lot. And now, I’ll leave you with a song with special meaning from an album that is a big part of the soundtrack of my experience of finally coming to understand who I am and always have been.

Transgender flag image by Lorelyn Medina via Shutterstock