Published October 1, 2023

As I told you earlier, I came out as transgender six years ago. I’ve told the story in much more detail here and there, and one of my favorite reflections is about the days leading up to my coming-out post.

Not yet active on Facebook and not even a lurker on Instagram, I had been presenting as male on Twitter for years. After years of therapy and testing the waters in advance of coming out, I planned to do so on my birthday in 2017. Here’s how I decided to do it: I would go radio silent on Twitter for an entire week before, with two exceptions. Two days before the big day, I posted a single image, my only tweet of the day, with no explanation.

My excitement was building. I had no illusion that the people who followed me on Twitter were paying much attention to me that week, but the idea was that the sudden lack of tweets from me on the Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before would be akin to the psychology of a TV commercial that, instead of screaming a sales pitch, got people’s attention by announcing its presence with … silence.

Breaking the silence on that Friday with a piece of art and no other words was meant to be its own quiet statement.

Then on that Saturday, my only tweet shared a song whose titled said it all, at least for me.

Anticipation.

Making a ritual of sorts out of it was special for me, a signal of meaning and intention to the cosmos, sure, but for me to enjoy as well.

I’m not even sure I was fully conscious of how perfect it was that I was about to share a first name with the artist, Carly Simon, a longtime favorite, but in terms of sending a hint out into the world, that added an extra layer.

It’s possible that more than one person guessed what was up before that Sunday, but only one friend, a former co-worker, messaged me privately and let on that he could tell something was about to happen. That I had been signal-boosting trans women for months before was probably a big clue.

And then, boom, late that next afternoon, after getting my first mani, I was out.

Those three days are among my favorites across a lifetime. It was so exciting. I am so glad I will always have them. Whatever happens in this country, they can’t take them away from me.

Image of trans people with trans pride flag by Lorelyn Medina via Shutterstock.