Published September 30, 2024

And then there are the days when running errands out in the world can be scary and leave you in tears. My birthday eve turned out to be just such a day.

“It’s not a real her,” someone said to their buddy, and they drove off. I was a few feet away.

I won’t tell you what that was a reply to, but I will say I overheard an assessment of my body that I’d prefer not to have heard. At least that person referred to me as her.

“It’s not a real her,” the second one said. No attempt to avoid having me hear it. No effort to keep it between them. Loud and proud, cocksure that anyone moving through their world is fair game to comment on close enough for them to hear.

It reduced me to tears rightt there in the parking lot.

I was still fighting tears when I arrived for my birthday-eve hair appointment. It took me some time to regroup and put on a brave face. When you’re out there, though, you know it can happen again and again. It’s just one reality of being a trans woman.

This sign on the door at Ulta eased the sting a bit.

I had been thinking about posting my hair, front and back, and my face, unmasked. The incident changed my mind. Thank goodness for spaces that let people know they want to be a safe, inclusive place for everyone. The nail salon I went to for years had an even better sign than that one.

Anyway, I have my birthday hair. I took a selfie, but I kept my Wonder Woman mask on. The gut punch knocked the wind out of me and stole my confidence. I wish I had a better story, that I didn’t let it affect me. But there I was, crying in the parking lot, crying on the drive to Ulta, crying in the parking lot after getting there.

I wanted you to know. Sometimes I can’t even pump gas without hearing it from just a few feet away. People will just talk about us and not care if we notice.

This is a raw post, not polished or cohesive or organized in any way. It springs from raw emotion. A week ago, my errand day fell into place so wonderfully.

Today, not so much.

Keeping my back turned on the world is still the best move lately.